Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
