genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
