Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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