So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
