White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it was like eating out sand paper
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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