So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
