I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
