Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
