Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
