My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
