I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
