There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
