Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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