dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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