Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
