Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
