im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
