fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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