they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
