Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
