i already hear my dad disowning me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
