well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
