It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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