Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
