i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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