A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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