Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
