she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
