I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The power of my boobs compel you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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