i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
