i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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