Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
