one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
