how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
