I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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