I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
