You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
