Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
