It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
