sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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