Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
