gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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