im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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