I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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