Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
