You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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