; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
