this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
