the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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