I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
