My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
