I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
