last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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