i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
