Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
