We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
