Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
