He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
