i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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