Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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