my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
