he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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